our cab driver is having phone sex.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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