And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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