Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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