I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
