I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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