I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
