we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
