Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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