But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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