I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you had me at cake vodka
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
