Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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