By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it glows. i had to have it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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