Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
