He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
