Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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