Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
