Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
