But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
