i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
