is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
