my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize