I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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