Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize