am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
