Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
