So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
