Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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