But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize