Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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