yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
