I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
