I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
