I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
vagina is talking i cant
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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