if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just want nice things and good sex
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
