Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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