In the future we'll all be gay
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this just has baby written all over it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
