I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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