Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
