went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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