He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
