I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
