I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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