i barfeds in our rink
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need moral support for this bender
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
