i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
