There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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