After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
