I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
