the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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