how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
