At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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