so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
