One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
