i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize