Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
