I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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