My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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