i permit you to call me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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