you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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