When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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