I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
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