Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
