there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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