I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
