maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
