how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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