Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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