Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
worst night to have a conscience
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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