I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
