Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
