If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
